remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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