Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
