Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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