every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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