You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
