I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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