I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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