Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have aggressive nipples.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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