the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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