Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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