i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
