He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
