Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
