before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
