Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
