Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got her a Nickelback box set.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Randomize
