The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
