This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
