Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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