This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
