Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
