I am spending my child support on dildos
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
