Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
how drunk are you?
Several
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
