Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
