Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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