I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
