You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
