It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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