either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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