I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
