No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
