Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
