Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
