I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
