the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your cock deserves a montage
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
