I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
