I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
