if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
