I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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