Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
