I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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