why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I checked into jail on foursquare
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
