I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
