my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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