somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
