Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
