My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Will exercising make me less horny?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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