I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
