I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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