I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
