She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How naked do you want me to be?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
