Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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