I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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