Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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